Three weeks ago, we welcomed, in my unbiased opinion, the most beautiful baby boy into the world and our lives. It’s hard to believe he’s been with us this long – and that we’ve survived without doing major harm to each other and him. But somehow, we’re all still here and thriving.
I’ve always heard that new parents operate on a major learning curve, and that couldn’t be more true. After these few weeks of taking care of a tiny human, here are a few of the things I’ve learned:
- Poop, pee, and spit up are the perfect ways to add color to any outfit
- Sleep deprivation is real. I wake up every night in a daze thinking our son has fallen out of our bed even though I’ve never let him sleep there, and he can always be found peacefully resting in his pack n play on the other side of the room.
- The many expressions of an infant are more entertaining to me than I could’ve ever imagined.
- I never knew I could have so much love for a small, bald, toothless person, who screams me awake in the middle of the night, and prevents me from getting just about anything done during the day.
It’s strange to think that a few weeks ago, we were our own people, doing whatever we wanted, when we wanted. Now, our lives revolve around this little person and it seems impossible that things were ever different.
Every night before I go to sleep, I check our son to make sure he’s breathing. Cameron thinks I’m crazy for doing this, but I can’t help myself. I still can’t believe he’s real and that he’s mine to keep. Except- he really isn’t mine to keep.
My first realization of this came the minute he was born. After about 22 hours of labor, I had to have a c section because our sweet baby’s head was just a bit too big and he got stuck. When they got him out, he didn’t cry for at least a minute. I know this because Cameron was anxiously watching the clock beside me, counting every second.
I have never been more terrified in my life, and in those few seconds, was convinced we’d lost him before we’d even gotten to meet him. After what felt like an eternity, we heard him cry and I’ve never heard a sweeter sound in my life.
Turns out, he was fine and the nurses were just cleaning him up and making sure his mouth and lungs were clear before they let him cry. I now have to remind myself not to take his cries for granted, because for a minute, I thought I would never hear them.
That moment of panic was just the beginning. Cameron recently got the flu and I’ve been on pins and needles in fear little man and I would get it. I accidentally scratched him the other day and nearly panicked, thinking I’d done him irreparable harm. I had a meltdown in the hospital because he was a tiny bit jaundiced, as I later learned many babies are at first. The nurse laughed when I told her and said, don’t cry about that! You’ll have much worse to worry about later. Save it for those times! She was right.
I know as our little boy grows, there will be many, many more worry-inducing moments that are worse than these. So, now I have a choice. Do I hold on tight to my fear in an attempt to control the situation, or do I do everything I can, and trust God will handle the rest?
In our son’s room, there is a wall of quotes and Bible verses I wrote down for him to look back on and hopefully hold close to his heart when he’s older. One of these verses is Joshua 1:9. It states, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
At a shower I was given a couple weeks before our son arrived, one of the sweet organizers gave a devotion based on this verse. She pointed out how we as parents need to remember this courage and the One who gives it, just as much as our little guy will.
I’m already seeing the truth of this statement. I saw it soon after we came home from the hospital, when it was suddenly just the three of us, figuring out this new life we were suddenly living.
I know God is sovereign. I know God’s plan is best, no matter what. I know that worry is useless, yet I still struggle with it. That’s why I’m so grateful God is always here, ready to guide and direct me, and show me a better way, no matter how much I fail. He will give me the courage I need, and as long as I choose to trust in him, that will be enough.
